August 19, 2026

i don't really know what i'm doing. i appreciate my ability to try all things, even if i'm not good at it.

i think i'm afraid of being good at things.

like if i'm always just okay at something, no one will expect anything more from me.

what would dan say?

i guess i don't get to know.

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3 weeks 50mg sertraline today. i don't feel like myself. sometimes i wonder if it'll always be like this.

why do i feel so empty? what took me away?

i'm tired and hungry and all i want to do is cry. i can't seem to aleviate any of it.

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why is he on my mind so much lately? i'm not sure. maybe it's just an outlet for the sadness.

i often find myself googling his name, looking for any trace of what's left of him. there's not much.

some old photos on his obituary, his geocities website, and his songs. i can't even find his writing. i really wish he had time to write that book.